Okay so umm…before I even start speaking about certain glamorous patented theories about “Love”…I’d like to clarify here, that this post is by no means an offence to Mothers worldwide.
It can’t be. Right?
Mothers are impeccable creatures. There’s something about Moms that you just can’t resist (Keep ya thoughts clean bruh).
Mom is a Superwoman… The REAL one (Not the punk Punjabi Canadian you’ll find on YouTube 😁). They’re the mortal blood-skin-potty versions of Goddess Durga or Venus who’ve been moulded from the very beginning to successfully achieve this grand feat of life, earning and playing the role of “A Mother”.
**slow claps and applause from behind** 👏 🎊
Mom knows everything. Like literally everything. (Starting from Black Holes and Asteroids, going through Menstrual Cycle and that recipe for Meat-Pie, ending with why you shouldn’t be sleeping with that hunk from Tuesday’s tuition classes and why you should gain some more kilograms because apparently…every kid, rich or poor, is malnourished, in the eyes of mother.) 🙏
And Mothers can multitask. (Damn that superpower).
I‘ve literally seen my Mom Cooking Lunch, whilst Calling Dad for the new set of Groceries, Writing Cheques for my school, Arguing with the Maid because she didn’t show up yesterday, supervising my Homework and checking Spellings, ticking off the Calendar, changing my baby bro’s Diaper and Washing him up!
Plus once she even baked a Cake 🎂 whilst on a Conference call with important people (judicious use of the mute button eh?).
But sometimes even Moms miss out on petty-yet-important things about life children should be knowing.
But you can’t blame them really. Afterall, everything cannot be Taught in that sense. Sometimes you just have to learn it the hard way.
And if I really know anything about Love, you probably won’t find it in this particular post, but maybe, just maybe you’ll pick up a few useful tips for the journey. ✌
The Atomic Structure of Love:-
Lol there’s really no possible scientific explanation to Love.
Of course the Oxytocin, Chocolates, Puppies and Benedict Cummberbatch do their job… 🍶 🌸 🐶 But…
What really is love? 💖 💟
When does it happen? 🕒 (Is it seasonal, like Oranges? 🍊)
How does Love happen? 😓
Why the f***k does Love happen even bruh? 😅
If it happens, and it’s good for you, how do you make it STAY? 😇
If it doesn’t stay after all, how to deal with HEARTBREAK? 💔
How to MOVE ON? (That is, find your next immediate Sacrifice.) 😔
Why is Leonardo DiCaprio still not married? 😑
Things She Never Said:-
Well my Mom didn’t give me much free advice about Men, unless you count “Your Father is the only good one out there and everyone else is a Pig.” 🐷 (Thanks, Mom. 😅)
Hopefully others got better, more insightful advice about Love and dating/marrying/living with your Beloved, although I maintain my mother’s advice isn’t entirely off-base, afterall they’re the coolest Homo Sapiens ever. (Try ’em 😎)
We accept the Love we think we deserve. – Stephen Chbosky, THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER
Well to him I wanna say, “Damn you, Mr. Chbosky! Who do you think you are with that unpronounceable last name and the ability to frame a sentence to make people weep?!” 😭
To be very honest (I am. Trust me.) there are few people around the world who’ve managed to find THE RIGHT ONE for themselves. For the rest of us Hooligans, it’s a matter of:
- Trial and Error
- Hunting for the “Next Eligible Sacrifice” (my present relationship status, as mentioned above)
- Pups and a marathon of Sitcoms (=dark circles)
Thinking about it, all options seem pretty optimistic except for #2.
- DO NOT FLAUNT YOUR RELATIONSHIP OVER SOCIAL MEDIA
It may seem like a really happening thing to do at the moment…but umm…it’s NOT. (Sorry hun!).
You see both You and you Partner have Friends. Some of them are Mutual (y’all share the love), some of them are Not.(Aliens from Jupiter.) 👽
But practically ALL of them have OPINIONS.
Yep. If you’re Human and you have brain and tits, you will have OPINIONS.
And let’s face it, we all know the hard truth, WE CAN NEVER MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY. 😏
And for those Friends who’re the “I’m Unhappy With The Choice of Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend” kind… DO NOT let them give you (seemingly valuable) input and advice about your Partner.
Because you little Coconut head will get filled up with garbage (90% possibility) opinions about your loved one, and guess what… YOU’LL BELIEVE THEM eventually. 🌴 🌴 🌴
Because Why? You knew your “Friends” (Who can NEVER be wrong. Apparently.) earlier than you even met your Boyfriend/Girlfriend and hence you Trust their every word. 💣
So best is you keep your little lovey dovey world outside of social media and keep it a secret UNTIL you get the Government involved, in which case, NO Villain can separate you two except for the Divorce Papers. ✌
She: Hey babe I love you! 😙
He: I love you too. 😍
She: Let’s get the Government involved so you don’t run away easy! 🙌
- DON’T DO IT BECAUSE EVERY OTHER COUPLE OUT THERE IS DOING IT
Nope. Never. Ever. EVER.
- Don’t do it just ‘coz He/She forced you to.
- Don’t do it because your Best Friend did it on the first go. (He’s just more horny than the Clintons. Trust me.)
- Don’t do it because you think you’re being very Backdated.
- Don’t do it because you believe you’re Aging fast (and you just discovered a Wrinkle under your left eye last night)
- Don’t do it because some long-distant-never-met-before Aunt mocked you about your figure.
DO IT because YOU WANT TO. 😊 (And this applies for Sex, Marriage, and all other possibly overrated Human activities that one can be asked to do in their lifetime. Period.)
- MAINTAIN THE SENSATION OF TOUCH
Keep ya li’l heads purified ya li’l nasties! 😂
By this I’m not referring to the usual sexual touch that we all (preferably) know.
It’s a normal Human Touch. You know what I mean?
I may sound a bit off-beat right now, but I believe maintaining the feel, the touch helps in strengthening the Bond (induced hydrogen bonds. Lol 😂 ) that we all have.
Like let’s say,
- Holding Hands 🐰
- Hugging 🐣
- Cuddling (Kitten Style) 🐱
- Getting Under the warm cozy Blanket and believing you’re literally floating on Cloud 9 ☁ (Nope. No Doraemon involved.)
- Sharing Clothes cz women look like Fire 🔥 in Men’s attire (Wash them though. And use a lotta Deo. I Steal mine’s. 😏)
- Cook for each other! 😃 (Even if your cookie turns out to be a Carbon Cake) 🍪
- Do It with consent. (y’all happy now?) 😑
- COMPROMISE (A LITTLE BIT)
Okay I know there’s this over-hyped thing about “Individual Liberty”… And I’m not interfering in anybody’s space at all.
Just that sometimes Doing Things that yout Partner loves to do, that is, Sharing Interests as a whole helps a lot. A hell lot. 🎌
To all the women,
- Try and watch Soccer a bit. ⚽ (I know it’s painful. And you may never really overcome the brutality of Goals on screen. 📺 But just for HIM okay?)
- De-Stress him by actually LISTENING to him. (😂 Yea shutting up works like magic sometimes!)
- Watch an Action/Manly movie ⚡🎬 (Just gulp down your vitamin pills and try to stay awake through the whole process. 😸)
- Do it okay? (You knew this would be here. Accept it. 😭)
- While doing the TV thing, just scream out random reactions after every 5 mins. (atleast he’ll know you’re still alive and working on it 💀)
- Give him some Bro-time. 👦(Disappear temporarily and show up just when they’re planning the next date. 😈)
To all Men,
- Cuddle. A LOT. A HELL LOT. (because women are delicate Kittens who want Tuna and Nutella and clouds.) 🐱 🍫 ☁
- Go Shopping. (Atleast just let her see the Front Door of the Mall 😭)
- Visit the Salón together sometimes. (Bcz Men need grooming too right? 💆)
- Watch RomComs (may the balls be with you mate!🍀) and cute Animated Flicks (applicable for baby girlfriends 👶)
- Rescue Her (damsel in distress 👑) from all possible mortal Dangers and Armageddon (spiders, cockroaches, black nasty rats, ghosts, FLYING COCKROACHES etc.) 🐞🐲
- Work out a bit, so you can be Tall enough to reach out for the jar of Nutella from the top shelf. 🍫
- Let her Touch your Hair once every 2 months. (All women are natural Beauticians. Remember that. So you’re in safe hands. 💇)
Yea we’ll NEVER be the same.
But if y’all survived this post, Ping me up in the comments below if you need more of Bad Relationship Advices from Me (a fat, lonely, self-loathing, bathroom singer Chipmunk 🐹).
A very Happy Birthday to St. Valentine 🎂 and wish you all memorable Day of Love! 💘
Toodles! 👋 🎏 🍃